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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I Don't Like Her

I'm sorry. I was trying. Really hard. To like her.

I learned. Then she slapped the truth to my face. She's not bearable. Not at all likeable.

But then, again, she tried to become 'peaceful' so I tried to learn how to like her, as a person, again. And I did. Just last night, I made up my mind that I would be really nice to her. I would talk to her and mingle like we're really good friends. I tried to be friends with her again. But every now and then, there's something she'd do that'd remind me how inconsiderate she is. How selfish. How annoying.

I never learn, I guess. Or I just try to be nice, to be selfless, to be considerate, but she's not. Not even trying.

I don't like her. Don't worry, I don't hate her. I just don't like her. At all.

Posted at 02:34 pm by altum_viditur
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Thursday, October 26, 2006

27th Masskara Festival

It looks really good in the photos but it's nothing compared to seeing it in the flesh. Even the commercial postcards or the WOW Philippines! website don't measure up to the astounding view it really makes.

The first 10 minutes of the 27th Masskara Street Dance Competition left me in awe. No exaggeration but it was really eye-popping, jaw-dropping, heart-stopping, earth-breaking....you get the point...

You can tell by the paricipation of all 25 barangays of Bacolod City, the deployment of the AFP and CAT/ROTC troops, the attendance of the townsfolks, and the number of foreigners that stayed long under the harsh sun how big this event really was. You can also tell by the length of the lens of the photographers that were there!

Everything is wonderful, shiny, vibrant, glittering. It's very colorful, very alive, picture-perfect. It's something that you see that you feel. You should really be there. No wonder the event is occasionally featured in Living Asia and the National Geographic!

The Masskara Festival lives up very true to its name. The grandest of masks, handmade of sequins, feathers, paper, plastic, cloth, buttons, beads, all materials imaginable, and the very merry and festive celebration of a valued tradition. Indeed, Bacolod is the City of Smiles.

photos i took from the 27th Masskara Street Dance Competition

Posted at 06:18 pm by altum_viditur
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Thursday, October 19, 2006

Stranded in Bacolod

No Manila-bound flight until the 24th. First available flight is on the 25th at 6:40 AM. We're supposed to go home on Sunday, so we'll overstay here in Bacolod for 2 more days.

Posted at 08:30 am by altum_viditur
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Monday, October 24, 2005

Sana Umulan

Kahapon lang, nagsulat ako sa likod ng readings ko ng mga katagang "SANA UMULAN." Mahal ko ang ulan. It makes me happy. I feel like every drop cleanses me. Pag malungkot ako, uulan lang, masaya na ako. Dahil ganito lang sumaya ang mababaw na tao.

Medyo exhausted ako nung mga nakakaraang araw. Minsan malungkot. Minsan masaya. Minsan pagod. Minsan confused. Minsan nagbabaliw-baliwan na lang, in anticipation of my board exams.

Kanina kausap ko si Alvin, sabi ko sa kanya, sana umulan.

Hindi nga kase ako makatulog kahapon, so I wished that it rained. Ngayon, inaantok na ako pero ayaw pa ng isip kong matulog. Eh malakas ang boses ni Nick Hexum, hindi ko masyadong nadidinig yung paligid. Parang me nadidinig ako sa labas. Nagpunta ako sa pinakamalapit na bintana. Voila! It's raining! I could not be any happier!

So paalam na muna dahil sabi nga ni Ruffa Mae Quinto "This is it!" Kailangang makahiga na ako kay kama at mayakap si Unan bago maubos ang ulan. Ansarap nito! Pramis! Tagal kong hinintay to!

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Posted at 05:19 am by altum_viditur
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Sunday, October 23, 2005

I Tried, but Failed

I tried to sleep at around 3 AM. After 2 hours, I was still awake.

I said to myself that I would not stand up because it's gonna make me more awake. I tried but after 5 minutes, I sat (back) in front of my PC. I checked the progress of the files which left downloading before I tried to sleep.

I said I would not log back in to YM because it's addicting. I tried not to, but after 2 minutes I sent a message to her. After a minute, she; had to go.

I shoud have tried harder.

Posted at 07:06 am by altum_viditur
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Kung Anik-anik

Habang kumakain (ng paborito kong "Tomtillos" - tortillos w/ "diced" tomato) at naghihintay (sa maraming tao at bagay), naisipan kong maningin-ningin ng mga links ng blog na to. Nabasa ko ulit yung mga malullungkot at pa-deep na tula ko mula sa heartaches, which actually made me productive most of the time.

Mighty Butterfly

Nabasa ko ulit yung "Mighty Butterfly" na inareglo na ni Papa John, yung gitarista ng Sweet Valium High, para gamitin sa gigs. Nung ginawa ko yung "Mighty Butterfly", nisip ko yung person na nagrepresent sa paru-paro (o, umamin ka, ngayon mo na lang ulit nabasa/nasabi sa utak yang word na yan, so say it again -- "PARU-PARO! Nice no? :) ). Nisip kong yung paru-paro ang topic ng kanta, dahil para sa kanya yung kanta, kaya ipinangalan ko sa kanya.

Tas si Papa John, "Flower" ang tawag niya dun sa kanta, which made me think just now na minsan talaga iba ang viewpoint ng babae sa lalaki, no? Siguro mas na-picture nya yung batang babae sa song na kinumpara ko sa isang bulaklak na nalanta nang lumayo at umalis yung paru-paro (PARU-PARO!). Sa viewpoint nya siguro, yung batang babae ang topic nung kanta. At dahil na rin sa babae ang bokalista namin, malamang nisip nya, pambabae yung ginawa kong kanta. Hindi ko na sya natanong tungkol dito kasi hindi ko naman dati napagtuunan ng pansin, ngayon lang. At yun nga ang naisip kong dahilan kung bakit iba ang tawag nya sa kanta. Yun lang naman. PARU-PARO!

Techno Shit 1: Cellular Phones

Sa sobrang uso ng cellphone, ang dami-daming pagpipilian -- a variety of colors, shapes, models, and sizes - which, at a time became small in standards - di'ba may time na para sabihing luma ang cellphone mo, sinasabi mo "malaki" siya? Pero wag mangamba! Ilabas na ulit ang Nokia 2110! 1600! At iba pang mga "pangkayod ng yelo", "remote control", o mas malala pa, ang "Frigidaire" - na kung tutuusin ay brand name ng ref. So kahit ang Ref mo ay Nokia o ang cellphone mo ay "Frigidaire", keber! Malalaki na ulit ang mga models ng phones, dahil sa "camfon" (na nung una kong nabasa ay nagtaka ako. "Nawala ang camfon". Huh?! Nisip ko kung sinong tagasunod sa dark side ang nawala. Camfon?!)

Anyway, akala ng marami, the latest cellular phone models are being designed to suit our lifestyles. I beg to disagree. I believe it's actually the other way around. Our lifestyles are being designed to suit our cellular phone models.

Kailan pa ba tayo naging sobrang hilig o sipag sa pag-a-"alarm"? Kinalimutan na natin ang mga mala-tren-na-dumadating na alarm clocks. Pinalitan na natin ng ating Ericsson alarm to the tune of "Wag na Wag mong Sasabihin". O kung ano mang fad na gusto nating marinig first thing when we awoke. Yung alarm nung Ericsson ko dati ay mala-Ragga na tune. Na minsan dahil sa sarap ng tugtog ay lalo akong nakakatulog. Bumili nga ako ng battery ng alarm clock kong parang-laging-may-sunog-ang-tunog. Kaya nga "alarm" clock eh. It's supposed to alarm us!

Kailan pa ba tayo naging mahilig o masipag mag-sort out ng "details" ng "contacts" natin? "Change Type" to fax #, office #, home #, mobile #, o general #. Hindi pa dyan natatapos yan, meron pang "add detail" na kung e-mail or home address, notes, birthday, reminder, shoe size, bra size, cup A, B, or C! Ang tanong, Set as Default?! Pero dahil minsan nang na-reset ang Nokia 7110 ko noon kung saan nawala ang mahigit 700 kong "contacts" na kumpleto sa "details", nagpasalamat pa rin ako at hindi ko nakakalimutang bumili ng filler ng old school kong organizer.

Kailan pa ba tayo naging "chummy" sa lahat ng tao sa paligid natin? Dati nga, picture mo lang at malamang ng karelasyon mo ang nasa wallet mo. Picture nga ng nanay mo, wala eh. But no, ngayon, pati chao-chao ng Professor nyo sa Speech, may picture ka. Pati picture ng daliri mong maganda ang nail polish, o ng Astroboy na t-shirt ng kaklase mo. Sa birthday parties, hindi na kailangan ng film (Kodak, Fuji) dahil may memory card naman ang phone mo. Pag napuno, bubura lang ng picture ng favorite mong kendi. Lahat ng bisita, may picture ka, pati hindi mo kakilala, basta mukhang maganda siya sa picture. Malala pa nyan, wala pa ring picture ng nanay mo.

Dati, ang "Payong Kaibigan" ni Jolina Magdangal sa "Ang TV", kailangan ipapadala by snail mail. Tapos sasagutin nya sa show. Ngayon, ang payo, pinapadaan na lang sa "text". At para pansinin ka ni Jolina, hindi mo na kailangan sumulat (not to mention matagal nang naka-off "Ang TV"), isang text lang at aaraw-arawin na ni Jolina ang pangangamusta sa'yo through Star Text. At kung dati, lahat ng humihingi kay Jolina ng picture ay sinasabihan niya ng "punta ka ng lang dito sa Studio at mag-kodak-an tayo", malamang hindi na yun ang sasabihin niya kundi "pnta k nlng d2, dlin m yng "cmfn" n pnntxt m."

At iyak na lang tayo kapag na-reset, nag-"crash", nadukot o na-snatch ang "camfon". Pno n pc2r nmn n Jolens?!

Kailan pa naging action word ang salitang "text"? Text. May gerund pa nga siya eh -- "texting". Eh yun ngang lumang word na "text" as in "textbook/copy" ay wala sa New Enlarged Webster's English Science Dictionary Authoritative and Simplified Hehe. Kunsabagay, dynamic naman daw ang mga meaning ng salita. And retroactive, I must add. Minsan nakakapan-tumbling kapag may natatanggap akong note -- sa papel, sinulat ng kamay gamit ang bolpen o lapis -- na naka-"text lingo". "Mit en elenji tayo emya-emya. Eykyu en elenji emjititixt sa you." Tumbling diba?

Kasalanan na lang natin kung mahina ang comprehension natin. Mababa ang EQ o may gap ang left and right hemispheres ng utak natin. Yung gap na yun ang pagkakalsuhan ng Textpower na book para maenhance ang ating "text knowledge"

K? 2loy q n lng 2 nxt tym. Mwah!

Posted at 05:33 am by altum_viditur
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Saturday, October 15, 2005

I Am Sad

I was about to say to the person that's been the subject of my writing a few months back that I went gaga over him. Just so I could get it over with and move on. Though I planned to tell him on November, I thought why not tell him now, though not personally, while I still feel like telling so? But before I was even able to finish typing my message, he said goodbye. And it made me sad.

I am also sad about a lot of other things, which I try not to mind, because as the person that I am, sadness is just "not my thing". But right now, I am probably one of the saddest people on earth. Save for the people of Africa and Iraq. Save for the victims of Katrina. For the people of Gaza. For the students who have been water-cannoned in Mendiola a few days back, just because they were fighting for their rights to a better country. For the people in the picket lines, in the mist. For the people who are still begging for food in Baywalk at this time of the day. And for the quarter of the world that's suffering injustice and doing time. For the quarter who are missing a departed loved one. And for the quarter who are praying with eyes closed and pouring with tears right now, telling their heartaches to their gods.... All these thoughts made me even sadder.

Posted at 03:40 am by altum_viditur
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Aww...

I got home really exhausted (not mentioning, a little sad and confused), I can feel my body taking a toll on me. Sunday night, I browsed on some readings until around 1 AM. Then I tried to sleep. But I just couldn't. Maybe I was excited, maybe I was tensed for Monday -- 8-5:30 drafting - Mock Board Exams. I was drafting for more than 8 hours! I already had a soar neck. I was totally tired and disoriented after I got over with the exam. I went out of the classroom. I got a call from a friend, his dad died. He was asking me if I could come visit them. My mind wanted to but I know my body just couldn't. Darn it!

So I went home. Took a bath. Had dinner. Tried to study. No luck. I was so tired. It was 10:30 PM so I just set my alarm and reminders at 1, 1:10, 1:30, 2 and 2:30 AM. Without hearing the alarm, I suddenly woke up. I could still hear the radio playing, I thought it's not even 2 AM yet. I opened my eyes and the sun was already high. Sheesh! I checked my phone and saw the time -- 7:03! I rushed to the shower, rushed to the kitchen, rushed to the front door, rushed to school. Second day of Mock Board exams, 8-5. Gosh, my soar neck was getting stiff. And even so, I still tried to go to the wake of my friend's dad, who was also my friend.

I went to the wake, the people there were not really gloomy (they are Christians, "death is a gain"). I stayed for a while. People came, people went. After the service, people started grouping already. My friends were grouped into three: one was talking about guitars, one was talking about the death, one was just smoking. I went to the smoking crowd. And then somehow, things went a little, uhm, uncool. I kidded one of my friends and as I always do, I pinched his chest. He grabbed my hand and slapped it. I was shocked because it hurt! My mind went totally blank but composed myself after 2-3 seconds. Maybe it was because I was tired thatI felt really bad about that. He said sorry and all, but I still felt bad. I wasn't mad or anything, I just felt bad. I finished my stick and bade everyone goodbye.

I went down the street and stood beside a traffic light. It took me 20 red lights before I realized that my ride was not going there so I walked some 5, 10 meters. So to make a long ride short, I got home really exhausted, I can feel my body taking a toll on me. But I still have to study for the third day of Mock Board Exams. Another 8-5 thingy.

To "rest" for a while, I went online. I checked my Friendster account and saw a prompt that said that a friend has sent me a photo. I got really curious because my modem took a couple of seconds to load it. And voila!

This is what I got >>

Jelai made that drawing. Isn't Jelai sweet?!

And then I checked my mail. There's this girl who... uhm... basta, there's this girl, her name is Det. We haven't seen each other since I started self-studying for the board exam. She sent me a file named "wala lang.pps" I thought to myself, "hmm (chinscratch), a pps file?" And you know what it said?

Then some photos of the Tambayan where we used to hang out. the Tambayan was clean already. So clean, I almost did not recognize it. I've been away that long?! Oh well, anyway, Det ended with this:

<< A Photo of what appeared to be the Tambayan's message/educational discussion board, with her message.

All I could say was, Awww, man! So sweet! Lucky, lucky, lucky you! I forgot all about my stiff neck and lack of sleep.

Thank you, Jelai, Thank you Det. You two made my day!

Posted at 03:21 am by altum_viditur
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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Paalam, Ka Fort, Salamat!

KATARUNGAN PARA KAY DIOSDADO "KA FORT" FORTUNA!

Dalawang tama ng kalibre .45 sa likod habang pauwi sa bahay nila mula sa piketlayn ng Nestle noong gabi ng Setyembre 22. Si Ka Fort o mas kilalang Ding Fortuna, ay ang humaliling Lider ng Unyon ng mga Manggagawa kay G. Meliton Roxas (na pinaslang noong Enero 21, 1988) sa pabrika ng Nestle sa Cabuyao Laguna. Siya'y naging huwarang lider ng mangagawa sa iba't ibang kasapian sa Timog Katagalugan. Isa sa mga taong nakausap ko na kilala siya ng personal ang nagsabing ang pakikipaglaban para sa karapatan ng mga manggagawa na ang naging buhay ni Ka Fort.

Agosto 2002 nang huminto akong tumangkilik sa kahit na anong produkto ng Nestle. Laking lungkot ko nang mapasailalim sa multi-nasyonal na korporasyong ito ang Goya at Bear Brand. Buti na lang may Lala at Alaska pa para bigyan ako ng aking "daily dose of cheap chocolates" at calcium. Isa't kalahating taon mula nang huli akong nakatikim ng Milo, may nakapagsabi sa aking tapos na ang boykot. Sa kabila ng kakulangan ko sa impormasyon kung natapos na nga ba ang boykot ay pinagpatuloy ko ang hindi pagtangkilik sa mga produktong Nestle, dahil sa kadahilanang minsan nang inabuso ng Nestle ang kanilang mga manggagawa. At hindi ako nagkamali sa aking desisyon. Hindi kailan man natapos ang boykot, lalo pa ang piket sa pabrika. At tiyak na ang trahedyang ito ay magbubunsol pa ng mas malawakang boykot at pag-aaklas.

Mag-a-alas diyes na kagabi nang natanggap ko ang mensaheng nasa isang Chapel sa UP ang katawan ni Ka Fort. Hindi ako nagdalawang-isip. Sinuot ko lang ang aking jacket at naglakad sa kahabaan ng Dahlia hanggang may makitang traysikel. Pagdating sa burol, na itinuturing din na pagpaparangal para sa isang dakilang lider-manggagawa, hindi ko naiwasang malungkot. Napakadaming tao. Mga mula sa iba't ibang kasapiang Nasyonal at mga estudyante mula sa iba't ibang paaralan, lalo na mula sa PUP.

Apat sa mga nakasama ni Ka Fort ang nasaksihan kong nagbigay ng mga salita para sa kanya. Hindi nagkakaiba ang kanilang mga sinabi. Si Ka Fort ay huwaran, mapagkumbaba, maaasahan, isang tunay na Lider-manggagawa. Isang tunay na Lider.

Bago umuwi ay dumaan ako sa Mercury Drug sa Tandang Sora. Nakita ko ang isang kaibigan at sinabi sa kanya kung saan ako nanggaling. Pinakiusapan ko rin siyang hangga't kaya niya'y huwag siyang tumangkilik ng Nestle products. Nakakalungkot isipin pero sa maliliit na bagay na ganito lamang ako makapag-aambag sa hustisyang marahil hindi agarang makakamit ni Ka Fort. Mas nakakalungkot kung ang hustisyang ito, na sa Pilipinas ay parang gasgas na plaka, ay hindi na makakamit kailan man.

Katulad ng ibang mga lider-manggagawa at lider ng masa, itinaguyod ni Ka Fort ang karapatan ng kaniyang mga kasama. 28 taon siyang nanilbihan sa Nestle. Duon na siya inuban at humina. Pero nanatiling matatag sa kanyang mga prinsipyo. Duon na rumupok ang kanyang mga buto, pero nanatiling malakas sa pakikibaka.

Sa pagkakataong ito, ngayon lalo na kahit kailan, mas pagtitibayan ko ang pagboboykot sa Nestle. Ito ay isa na namang patunay na "there's blood in your coffee."

Paalam, Ka Fort. At maraming maraming salamat!

27 Sept 2005
1:45 AM

Posted at 02:47 am by altum_viditur
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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

She

For a moment there, I did not know if my dreams were coming true or if I was just starting to dream. Finally, after six years, that person in my dream was there, beside me. Her head was resting on top of her right hand on the table while her left hand was resting on my lap.

After six years, I was able to tell her everything that I felt about her. How I adored and secretly loved her. How I learned to be contented of just looking at her from afar and never having her. She asked me if I still feel the same. I did not know what to say. God knows how hard I tried to forget her and the feelings that I have surrendered.

She has been a great part of my college life. There was even a time when she was my college life. But she was already committed to a relationship when I met her that's why I did not even hope to have her. But when the relationship she had ended, I asked to God if I could have her. But I never did.

I loved her for the longest time. But ignored it so as not to hurt myself and further complicate things. I used to wait for a time when I could tell her what I felt and prayed that being honest with her would bring about a chance, no matter how thin, that she would feel somewhat, no matter how, the similar way. And then that time came. And I became honest. She asked me if I still feel the same. I did not have a direct answer. Suddenly, I was scared.

Before going home, we talked again and she asked me what I want to happen now, if I were the one in charge. I know what I want to happen. I still want her to be mine, and now more than ever. But I did not tell her, because she was intoxicated with Strong Ice and Fundador. I asked her if she would want to go home with me and our friends to a friend's house and she agreed. While we were walking on the street to get a cab, she held out her hand, as if asking for mine. I obliged. It was the type of moment that felt like it was only a dream, and I would not want to wake up. On the ride home, she placed her hand on my lap again, and gestured her arm as if she wanted me to anchor on it. I obliged. Minutes later and she held my other hand with her free hand. It was very surreal. I did not think much about what was happening but savored it just the same. At home, our friends made us a bed to share. I laid down on the bed with my whole body facing the ceiling, with my eyes open. She laid down facing me, with her eyes shut.

And then again, she held my hand. I could think of a hundred different scenarios in my head, but I did not. All I was focusing on at that time was the moment. It was pleasure and pain all at the same time and space. I thought that that time may never occur again and that space may never happen again, ever. Although I know that that night have been and could have been more so a night unlike any other, and her intoxication was on my side, I know it would backfire on me when sobriety came.

Then she asked me if I were feeling okay. I said yes and asked her the same. She said she felt comfortable. Then she asked me again, what I want to happen now, if I were the one in charge, and if I still feel the same as I felt before. I did not answer, instead I asked her what she felt now that she knew. She said she was just happy and would just enjoy what was there.

After a couple of minutes, I let go of her hand and faced the wall. I turned my back to her. I was afraid that I could only hold her while she was still intoxicated, that she would not be as sweet if she were sober. Though she kept telling me that she would remember everything that we talked about that night, I still doubt that she would. Although I could have risked all that I had and laid my cards straight, I still did not. Because I know that "tomorrow" is still another day, another story. I wanted to indulge in her overwhelming presence and hug her tightly as we sleep and take the opportunity that I could have waken up with her by my side while I cuddled her. But I never did. Because I know that I would have a dilemma if I succumbed to what I felt right there and then, and held her. I just feel bad now that she made my dreams come true and let me know how it felt like holding her hand, the earth that I used to only know in my dreams. I just feel bad now that at one fleeting moment, I walked on the sky that I used to only dream about. It was surreal. Confusing even, I did not know if it was really my dreams coming true or I was just starting to dream again.

If I held her like that, I am afraid that I will never be able to let go. Don't blame me. After all, it's been six years and my feelings are still the same.

18 Sep 05
7:40 PM

Posted at 02:10 am by altum_viditur
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